Belief Before Belonging? Winning Arguments Losing Friendships

It's a discussion that has gone on in the church for centuries.

Do we accept people into the church before they believe? Or, do we ask them to believe before we accept them? Does somebody have to behave before belonging?

It seems that the further we have moved from the 1st century and Jesus' model of eating with sinners, the further we have moved from eating with sinners in the 21st century.

The Influence of the Church

The West has not be won by the gospel.

This discussion begins with buzz words like 'outsider' or 'insider'. And 'isolation' or 'inclusion'. Or ‘Them and Us’. Maybe a biblical way to say this is 'law' and 'grace'.

This issue is picking up intensity in our culture. And this argument may be part of the reason why the church has become a minority. For the first time in American history, the church is a cultural minority.

Look at the research … 83% of Americans believe they are Christian, less than 1/3 go to church monthly. Some statistics say that only 20% attend weekly. And the biblical worldview has dropped dramatically in every generation from the grandparents to the grandchildren. (Barna)

At any rate, if the church continues to close its doors to sinners and to distance ourselves from being in relationship with the un-churched or the ‘nones’ (without faith or a church), the divide will only worsen.

Why? Because we have raised higher standards for others than even you and I in the church could ever attain ourselves.

"Some people value belief above belonging and in so doing lose the truth of love. Some people value belonging above belief and in so doing lose the love of truth. Why can we not choose both love and truth?"

What comes first? The love or the truth?

It is far more important for us to value belief and belonging. In doing so we will have both truth and love. Relationship. The two cannot be separated. I hold strongly to my Christian faith.

But, I hold as strongly to the people in my life that God has called me to love.

Has the church become so critical of lifestyle choices that we have no room for lives?

I, like many of you, may not approve of the lifestyle of the people who we work with or go to school with. But, we value relationship as much as belief.

One of the things that is disappointing to me in our culture is the elite mindset of anyone who places their personal beliefs above relationships.

Winning Arguments Losing Friendships

That is where a lack of tolerance comes from. Elitism.

I learned a valuable lesson many years ago. That I never want to win an argument and lose friendship. I think we can have the argument and keep the friendship!

We could all do some proof-texting right now of our favorite scripture verses or our personal beliefs that display the contrasting points about sin and sinners, grace and mercy, or simply right and wrong.

On the belief or law side, we quote the religious leaders saying of Jesus in Matthew 11 that He was

"...a glutton and a wine drinker, and, a friend of tax collectors and sinners."

And on the love or grace side, we quote Jesus in Luke 19 saying,

"...the Son of Man has come to seek and to save the lost...and Jesus sat with the sinners and shared the gospel with them."

What do we do with these?

Never win an argument and lose a relationship. They are the friendship so that you have an opportunity to have the discussion. If you lose the friendship, you have no opportunity for the discussion.

Don't forget, the hills we are willing to die on, or the T-shirt messages we have practiced all of our life must never separate us from having the conversation with others we are called to reach.

I have made it a point in my life to never win an argument and lose a relationship. From my understanding of 40 years in Next Gen leadership, the foundational response to all kinds of issues and people should be relationship. Young people are very good at this. Adults could learn from the acceptance that young people have of all kinds of people. Belonging really is important to young people. If that is the starting point, then the next step is the conversation!

Christ and Paul did not call for a divide in our unequal relationships in culture. They called for a divide in our unequal fellowship within the church (the Body of Christ)

A Cake-Baker, a Boy Scout Troop, a Christian University, or a church and para-church organization will have unique stances on the basis of their make-up or constitution and by-laws about these issues when it comes to membership or employment.

And we should all respect that.

However, in the government or public sector, since when did a gay person not become qualified for a communications post simply because they were gay?

Or, ask, how many liars are employed by campaigns in America right now? How many fornicators or adulterers are employed by the government in America right now? Are they unqualified for service?

Why is the right wing Republican or the conservative Christian para-church leader not parading the purging of their church worship teams or church boards of gluttons or gossips?

Maybe discipline and honesty and fidelity should be higher on the priority of the political party and the church right now.

You cannot separate love and truth. Belief and belonging. They are symbiotic.

We must change our language. Our language must change us. Especially if we are going to see the church restored in America and get its voice back.

Some people value beliefs above relationship and in so doing lose the truth of love. Some people value relationship above beliefs and in so doing lose the love of truth. Grace and truth are a symbiotic part of the Christian faith.

It is far more important for us to value belief AND belonging. In doing so we will have both truth and love. The two cannot be separated.

I hold strongly to my Christian faith. But, I hold as strongly to the people in my life that God has called me to love.

And I hope that my language and actions will prove that.