Virginity Rocks: But if I’ve lost it, can I have it back?

I’m sure you have seen the popular teen t-shirts and merch that are pro-virgin. The recently created clothesline says boldly, “Virginity Rocks”.

Recently, at a middle school near Saint Louis, Missouri, a student was caught wearing a sweatshirt with the “Virginity Rocks” logo.  A teacher saw the sweatshirt and walked the student out of the classroom to the principal’s office where the student was asked to take the sweat-shirt off or be threatened with further action.  What is interesting about this story, is that dozens of students have been threatened with the same action from schools around the country for simply wearing the popular shirts.

But the clothesline and merch with the popular slogan goes far beyond the public debate.

Virginity Defined

Virginity is defined in the Webster Dictionary as, “A person who has not had sex; someone who is chaste; fresh and unspoiled.” A Biblical definition of virginity is consistent with this Webster description. It can be seen in the loss of virginity,and, the word fornication, or, porneia. It is a broad term for multiple sexually explicit actions outside of marriage - “fornication, sexual uncleanness such as un-chastity, sexual immorality, idolatry, illicit sexual intercourse, impurity, and selling off or surrendering virginity (as opposed to being sold for).” 1

Now, I realize we live in a progressive society and many people may not have the same moral belief that I will assume in this blog. That is, the assumption that sex outside of marriage is a sin. See the following scriptures for a thorough understanding of the sin of fornication and missing the mark (Matthew 5, 15, 19, 1 Corinthians 5, 1 Corinthians 6, and Hebrews 13).

There is no ambiguity in scripture, but, there is plenty of debate in culture. 

The Hook-Up

A teenager’s greatest win may be keeping their virginity as they navigate through the present sexual revolution going on in America. One of the current topics in teen and young adult sexual behavior is called The Hook-Up. These are casual relationships with “no strings attached”.

Maybe the easiest way to demonstrate this “no strings attached” encounter is to look at the evolution of this analogy.

A few years back the HOOK-UP meant something entirely different than what it means today. My grandpa would HOOK-UP the trailer and haul a load of something. My dad would HOOK-UP the antenna on the rooftop so we could watch TV. I used to HOOK-UP with my friends and go out for pizza after a football game on Friday night. Today, this generation will HOOK-UP with someone and assume a high-risk, flirting, no strings attached, NBD evening of sex, and no obligation afterwards. We’ve come a long way from HOOKING UP trailers, the TV antenna, and with friends for pizza after a game.

Much more than virginity is lost at the point of The Hook-Up or sexual fornication. There is also a loss of purity when we miss the mark of scriptural sexual abstinence before marriage.

Losing Virginity and Purity

Let’s deal with the specific question of recovery and healing from sexual sins such as fornication that causes someone to lose their virginity. And something more importantly – their purity.

When a man has sex before marriage he loses something. He loses or gives away the seed that is meant for a marriage relationship between a man and a woman. Aside from breaking the biblical principle, there is also a spiritual loss by the male.

Often when we talk about losing virginity we focus on the woman. But losing virginity is as much a part of giving away something versus something being taken.

When a woman has sex before marriage she loses something. There can be a physical puncture of the hymen layer of light skin that lines the vagina. Some people say this is when virginity is lost. But that is too simplistic and doesn’t really define losing virginity because of several factors.

So many things other than intercourse can wear the hymen away, including horseback riding, biking, gymnastics, rigorous exercise, using tampons, and masturbation. All of these could basically lead to "breaking" the hymen without ever having sex. Some women are even born without hymens. -Teen Vogue, 2019

The Answer

Let’s deal directly with the question at hand, “Can I have my virginity back once I’ve lost it?” The short answer is “no”. But let me explain before I make any more enemies.

Once someone has had penetrative sex the act cannot be reversed. By either offender in the relationship. And when the act of sex, whether consensual or not, has happened, virginity is lost. The virgin has been changed forever.

However, once someone has had sex outside of marriage, they can have their purity back! And this is the most important part of the question.

Why is this so important in answering the question? Because the act of having penetrative sex cannot be undone. And often people want to have their virginity restored. What cannot be restored is the physical loss of virginity. What can be restored is the spiritual loss of purity.

This is the power of the gospel and the good news. That once we have sinned before God and broken His commands, or have been violated non-consensually, we can be cleansed. Repentance and forgiveness is the message.

Look at the following scriptures:

1 John 1.8-9, “If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

Psalm 103.10-13, “He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.”

Do you see the emphasis of cleansing in the gospel? That is what we mean by restoring our spiritual purity even if we cannot have our physical virginity back.

Finally

Unfortunately, we must live with the aftermath of our decisions. And considering sexual sins of fornication, the aftermath is irreversible when it comes to the physical act of losing our virginity. But, what is offered is our freedom from sexual sins and a thorough cleansing and forgiveness!

The power of the gospel and the good news is restoring and healing to those who are caught in sin. We cannot undo an act that has been done, but, the basis of Christianity is complete forgiveness and cleansing of the consequences of our acts.

So, remember this powerful truth if you have committed sexual sin or been violated non-consensually and lost your virginity. You may not have your virginity back, but, you may have your purity back! And that is the most important of the two.

_____
1

https://theosophical.files.wordpress.com/2015/02/porneia-in-mt-5_32-and-19_9-janzen.pdf

Colin Brown, Dictionary of New Testament Theology, Regency Publishers. 1975. vol. 1, p. 497.

Verlyn D. Verbrugge, New International Dictionary of New Testament Theology, Zondervan. 2000. pp 486.